We have so much love to give when our baby is not in our arms – it overflows all over the place through our grief, it is messy and complicated and out of control, and really just feels like it has nowhere to go. We are constantly having to be creative in how to tend that love – such a resource, so much power, what can we do with it when all we want is our baby? Do we lock it up, try to keep it contained, do we let it flow where it needs to go?
I would not recommend saying ‘get a pet’ following a loss. Not only can it be such a painful and insensitive comment (though surprisingly common), is it a very personal choice – only we know what we can or can’t handle – it is a life changing decision when we are already reeling and often in shock.
So this post is not ‘that’ suggestion…
I chose this photo because one day I looked down through the fog of my grief, and I saw love looking back up at me through this girl’s eyes. I saw a being who needed my love as much as she was able to share it in return.
It was simple, and reciprocal, a sharing between two hearts. It reminded me what was at the source of all this pain. I felt so grateful to have a little soul sitting at my feet who could receive some of the love I had to give, even when I doubted and wanted to keep it locked away in my heart for fear that it would disappear if I let it out. But she was patient, and a constant gentle presence, and bit by bit she has helped me learn how to unlock my broken heart and share the gifts my babies left behind.
Love, pure and simple love.
It knows what to do when we are able to take down the walls, it knows just where to go and how to heal.
Did you find it frightening to love after your loss?
Were there others who helped you to connect with your heart again?