Mothering Your Heart has been created in memory of the many children who exist in my heart, and the far, far too many children who are not here on earth and in their parents arms. It is my wish that with this resource, fewer women will feel alone after infertility and baby loss, and more will be able to access comfort within a compassionate, understanding community.
My own path through grief and heartbreak has led me to a place where love and light flicker stronger every day. There are still many hard moments, many hard days, and a missing, incomplete feeling that I know will remain forever. I miss them all so very much, and I never want to lose that missing anyway – it is part of what reminds me that yes they were really real, and yes those dreams mattered. But there are good days too, more and more often, and on those days and in those moments I find I am able to let my heart lead: to live in love for this planet, this earth, this world. To bring its beauty, song, colours, textures, magic through my senses straight into my heart, so that I know my children are experiencing it too, that they know I am living at maximum capacity for love, light and the preciousness of being alive at this beautiful time on this beautiful planet.
I take photographs to try to capture some of it, I am a hoarder of sunsets and clouds and flowers, fruit and oceans and tiny shiny beetles.
It is all magic, all wonder, and it is in honour of those who aren’t quite here right now that I try not to take a second of any of it for granted. Having survived, still surviving, the combined horrors of infertility, baby loss, and child loss through adoption breakdown, I know that it is my turn to hold out my hand, to walk beside those who find themselves on this most painful path, to just be with, and stay with, and share whatever I can – so that others know they are not alone, and begin to believe that they can and will survive.
In love and memory, we find ourselves on this path.
I am so honoured to be walking with all of you.