Baby loss is one of the last frontiers of conversation. We humans will talk about pretty much anything, it’s all out there these days. Except the heavy stuff, although even then we are often getting better at wading in. But the death of a baby, people don’t know what to do with that, we really don’t. There are many reasons for this collective avoidance, and not enough space to get into them here.
Maybe for today it is enough to say that a mother’s love for her baby is not relative to the length of her pregnancy. That approximately one in four babies die in early pregnancy and possibly one in one hundred in later pregnancy, though these figures very much depend on where you live in the world. What the numbers don’t say is that these babies are loved as much as a mother loves her living child. That these grieving mothers are all around us everyday, and many of them are grieving in silence, and alone.
If you are missing your baby today, reach out, just a little. Let someone safe know how much you love and miss that baby who is not in your arms. Receive love, and my wish for you is that it washes over you in waves. That you have, or are able to find, someone to lean on.
If you are someone who knows someone who has lost her baby – at any time in pregnancy or after birth – reach out, just a little. Speak that precious baby’s name. Let a grieving mother know that you are thinking of her, that you are able to simply sit with her. There is nothing else to be done, but to let her know that she is not alone. Let her lean. Give love.
That’s all you have to do really.
Just be, with love, in honour of her beautiful baby who is not here on earth.